From Interest to Commitment

It happened again. Not that it happens often. It’s only happened a handful of times, at least that I know of. A student who I’ve taught and trained for a couple of years to practice Positive Psychology decides to return to a set point. Not that I judge this – it’s not as if I haven’t done the same in other domains. But I notice it and in that noticing, I let out a long sigh. I guess because I hoped this particular one would see the light.

Students typically arrive with a bagful of dreams and self-doubt. My job is to meet them where they’re at, wherever that is, and guide them through the steps towards professional practice. It begins with a deep academic dive into research. First, to understand the science and second, to broaden that knowledge base to other disciplinary approaches. It never fails to surprise me how often a student longs to take this dive and yet, when the time comes, hesitates repeatedly to take action. But again, I get it. My students are all mid-lifers and by a certain age, we think we know it all. Our ability to learn new skills such as how to research has shrunk through lack of practice. Online education has also sold us a pipe dream, that learning should always be fun and easy, and that we should never be held accountable for what we actually know. Reality check – this is a lie. It’s born of a quick-fix information era and is exactly what I’m pushing back against in this off-the-cuff "say what I really think" blog post series.

Too many quick-fix approaches conflate possibilities and deflate ability. Too many “high fives” for completing a self-assessed course does not equate to actual education. There is a hard graft in the learning process and it’s something my students can’t avoid, at least not if they want to complete their course. They will have to dig deep and that might mean different things for each of them. And as my earlier blog post stated, on Choose Your Hard, I can’t protect them from the suffering inherent in that process. I can only make sure we’re committed to good practices such as inclusive and strengths-based learning, and maintaining open channels for feedback.

When a graduate who has gone through this hard process of learning decides not to see themselves as a positive psychology practitioner but rather, use another title that is more common or perceived to be more prestigious, I have to bracket a personal response. The professional response is great, I contributed to a leg of their journey and I’m glad they’re following their path. The personal response is one of disappointment for I too had that choice after my graduation when the field was far less established than it is now. I could have defaulted to a better known field of practice but instead, I chose to roll my sleeves up and engage in the hard graft of building professional standards.

I guess I had an advantage here coming from exercise and sport psychology. I knew how hard that field had fought to gain credibility within mainstream psychology. It took decades for it to reach the level of inclusion and respect it has now. Positive psychology practice meanwhile is still in the early stages of a similar battle; however, the sticky point is that despite its name, it’s not just about psychology. It was rebirthed in a psychology lab by psychologists and scientific researchers who debated whether to give it a separate name or not.  Maybe it could just be absorbed into psychology at large? But that was seen as too risky. For now, sectioning it off as a field of research and study, which later became practice, seemed the wiser thing to do.

I don’t actually have an issue with this. Good on psychologists for giving a fresh spin on what philosophers and spiritual/religious thinkers had been talking about for centuries. That we could now test these claims using science is a good thing in my books. If you happen to be a scientific researcher, the opportunity to dig into an under-researched field is incredibly exciting, especially if funding is available for this.

As someone who has benefitted personally and professional from positive psychology’s evolution, I am grateful to the first wave of thinkers that helped put this discipline on the map. I also feel for them at times, as the field has evolved and splintered significantly over the past few years. Some have spoken out asking people like me (not me personally, I’m not that significant) to stick to it being a science. But practitioners just won’t do that. We are practical. Our job is to take the science into the real world and that’s where the rubber meets the road. That’s where the real testing begins.

To give a concrete example, let’s take courage. In positive psychology, this is a virtue that is said to be expressed through the character strengths of bravery, zest, authenticity, and perseverance. I actually think that’s a great description but I know of philosophers who would disagree. You don’t simply “unlock” virtues through engagement of character strengths. That’s a reductionist and utilitarian perspective. It bypasses the ethical components of virtues and in particular, how to think.

The philosophers do have a point worth examining. Let’s say I practice positive psychology with coaching as a primary mode of practice. My client is a practicing Muslim and the conversation turns to fear around reaching for a goal. I decide to weave in psychoeducation on courage as a virtue and the four strengths said to facilitate it. But deep down I have two qualms. Firstly, I know that the research supporting this claim is still evolving. How many peer-reviewed journal articles can I quote that link zest to courage, for example? They’re out there but I would need to tweak my research process. Perhaps link the key term zest to vitality and then differentiate types of courage (e.g. physical, moral). I would also need to go beyond the science and into philosophy, religion, spirituality, and even sociology for a broader range of examples that speak to real life, and help to fill the research gap.

Secondly, I would need to take my client’s perspective into account. I might even start here, putting what I think I know about courage to one side while I ask them what they think. When as a practicing Muslim, or simply a human being, have they experienced or witnessed courage? What did that feel like? What did it look like? Which thoughts, emotions, and behaviours did they associate with that? I might not even share with them what science says because ultimately, my aim is to support my client. And if my client has an aha moment remembering what courage means to them, and sees a way to tap into this again to overcome an obstacle to reach their goal, then my job is done. For now, at least, until the next obstacle appears.

Positive psychology practice is ultimately about a way of thinking and that way of thinking can only be multidisciplinary in my view. It is an inclusive and strengths-based approach that recognises struggle, and the client's context (social, cultural, political, economic), and the need for various forms of support whilst focusing and building on what the client can do. As a field of study, positive psychology balances out other fields that have overly emphasised problems and followed a deficit-based approach. Fear sells, fear captivates. Who doesn’t like a good horror movie? (actually I don't, but I fear I’m in the minority)

I spend so much time and effort teaching my students how to think critically and reflectively. I respect and facilitate independence of thought and action which is why the professional part of me isn’t concerned when someone I’ve trained to practice decides to default to an earlier or related profession that is better established, simply as it is older. I trust I’ve trained them well enough to think it through properly but the cynic in me thinks, they were going to do that anyway, I could see it coming a mile off, it was just a matter of time, you wasted your mental and emotional energy on that one!

There is a grain of truth here. After teaching for years, we see behavioural patterns in students. We might strive to keep an open mind - because it’s the right thing to do or because we’re humble enough to know we can always be wrong. But we have limits born of experience. We do see things coming and to date, I haven't been wrong with those who have departed but I have been wrong at least once in those who decided to stay. I guess my question to myself is, when and how should I step out of the way? Should I stop putting the effort in for those students who I know - or at least strongly suspect - at a deeper level are just journeying with me for a while?

That would be fair to me but probably not fair to them. And it certainly isn't a fair way to educate which means it's out of the question for me. But I do need to care less, that's for sure, and maybe, just maybe, I don't need to try so hard.

I come back to my seasonal life stage of letting go. The Autumn of my life is well and truly here. Prudence and efficiency are creeping in where curiosity and love of learning once led. The learning process for me is deepening and a hard lesson that’s arrived is I don’t have the same amount of time and energy to keep putting a high level of effort into each and every student I teach. And all of a sudden, many of my former teachers come to mind. The teachers who gave me short responses or sometimes, no reply at all. They hadn't disengaged, they had just learned to use their time and energy wisely. They knew when to step in to support and when to let the student find their own way. Only now, in this third act, am I starting to understand their thinking.

Professionally, I’m being called to move from interest to commitment. I’m being asked to step forwards and deepen my path. It was my choice to follow the less travelled path in helping to forge positive psychology as a multidisciplinary field of research, study, and practice. Someone opened the door and I chose to walk through. And if I want to keep walking this path, then I need to cut my losses. And I absolutely need to respect that my mid-life students might also be doing the same, in their own ways.

So, how do you move from interest to commitment?

Lori Harder, a fitness and business icon, said it well in a podcast from 2018. To paraphrase her, she said, you move from interest to commitment by choosing to do what is hard and having someone hold you accountable.

Reflecting on her words, I see many students cross my mind. The students who have become my accountability partners, the students who put in the hard graft and choose to stay, understanding that they too are walking a less trodden path. The hard part is my decision every single day to show up for them, to make their decision worthwhile.